Time on my own

Wednesdays and Sundays are my days off. Sunday is always the day I spend time with my husband and Wednesday is the day I usually spend on my own when he's working. 

Sometimes being home on my own is a good thing. I get to catch up on the shows and films he doesn't want to watch, I get to have as many cups of tea as I want, eat the snacks I don't want to share, have a long and lazy bubble bath. Sometimes being home on my own is a bad thing. It gives my mind too much time to wander. The thoughts and feelings that I can usually keep away when I'm with people get louder on my own. Sometimes its just grief, missing my Dad, going over and over the night he passed when it was just me and him in the hospital. Today is worry.

Children grow up, reach adulthood, go and live in the big wild world, but they are always your child. How do you then parent a child when they are 27 years old and have been a very stubborn, headstrong person since they were 13. All we can see at the moment is a life spiralling and we can't do anything to help. What help we offered has basically been refused, we offered a safe place to stay and be able to carry on working, and she seems to be more content sleeping on the sofa of a friend she barely knows, smoking everyday. 

Refusal to pick up the phone and actually speak to anyone is frustrating too, everything is being done over text messages. Its been proven over the last week that there has been a lot of lying about situations; where she has been, who she has been with, what she has been doing. Even implicating me and her dad into the lies, saying she was with us when she wasn't. There is so much lying and secrecy, you can lie a hell of a lot easier over a text message and its not right. I know there are conversations that need to be had and this will happen. I am feeling like a mug. I have been confided in by her over the last few weeks and found out on Friday that a lot of what I told was not true. I am angry that I have been used like that, I have always made it clear that I will not judge, I will listen and help but this has been taken advantage of. Obviously, we want to help, but now there will be conditions. We will only help if she is helping herself. We will have her here, but there will be rules about living under our roof, no matter how old she is. She has to help herself before we will help her and, at the moment, that's just not happening. 

She basically left home at 15, going to stay at a boyfriends house and deciding she wanted to be there more than home. That relationship ended and another one started. Same situation. Then that one ended and she got a slightly older boyfriend who had his own place to live, that was it. She moved out permanently when she was almost 19. Sounds normal to some but I can count on just my hands how many nights she spent at home between the ages of 15 and 19. 

8 years later and I can still count on just my hands how many times we have seen her in the last 2 years. She will spend as much time with her boyfriends family as she possibly can but her own family almost seems forgotten about and I just don't understand. She just doesn't want to be here with us. I know this home has mixed memories for her after her mum walked out but, at the moment, its here or a sofa in a 1 bedroom flat with a sketchy sounding friend. Even her grandparents have offered her a place to stay but, again, this has been turned down. 

Any advice??