Back to work

Today was my first day back at work. The first day back in the shop for 8 and a half weeks. I knew how long it had been but almost didn't realise how long it had been. I was ridiculously nervous about going back, I felt like I was starting a new job. It felt almost forced and awkward for the whole morning. Didn't get a chance to have a proper catch up with my manager, we had a busy day. Lots of customers Christmas shopping and a surprise visit from our district manager. I had been worrying about what she thought about me being off, but she was concerned about me and told me not to push myself too hard. At the end of it all I'm not really sure how I feel about today. I made some good sales, but it all just felt off. I know its been hard for them all with me being off and leaving them a staff member down at the busiest time of the year but its also been hard for me being unwell. So many days I have just sat and cried because I couldn't see any end to it. I have sat in doctors offices and cried again, begging them to help me feel better, feeling like I was going crazy. All I kept hearing was "well you don't look ill" or "you sound better than the last time we spoke". All the while I was feeling permanently tired, in pain all over my body, lightheaded and out of breath. I didn't look ill, I definitely felt it. I still do feel like this, I am just holding on to the fact that I have a diagnosis and am on medication, for the rest of my life, that will make me feel better. Best to not dwell on today though. I have a day off tomorrow and Saturday is a new work day.