Is today blue monday??

Been back to the doctors again today. Whatever covid has left me with isn't shifting, been 4 weeks now. Been seeing/speaking to a lovely paramedic at the GP surgery and she is concerned about my symptoms so blood tests and x-rays are needed. I'm completely fed up and just want to feel better. It doesn't help that I have health anxiety too, one slight feeling of anything and there's a part of my brain that tries convincing me that the end is nigh. I'm also absolutely useless when it comes to blood tests, I always pass out and childhood epilepsy makes that fun! 

Its just started snowing here, everything is slowly turning white and looks so pretty. Its very wet snow though so I am not sure if it will settle or not. I am curled up on the sofa in my pjs, fluffy slippers, my blanket and we are watching heartbeat in the hope it will cheer me up. Yes, inside this 42 year old woman is an 80 year old grandma who loves heartbeat. I think its because it was filmed in and around our favourite part of the world. We went to Goathland a couple of months ago when we were staying in Whitby for a couple of days. We love to visit there. Whitby pleases my spooky black soul. I was tidying my bookshelves the other day and realised I have 3 copies of Dracula, all of which I have bought from Whitby. 

Hoping for a better day tomorrow. In all honesty, my anxiety is making me terrified about test and hospital referrals. I know its all routine and completely normal but after losing my dad a couple of years ago I'm scared.